Love And Loss
by SilverHawk92
Summary: One chapter. This is what I dreamed, more or less.


I could see them. All five of them. Ax was there too, talking about how little trouble he had while enrolling at our school. He had this goofy grin on his face.

And Marco was there. Cracking jokes, as if our world hadn't fallen apart three years ago - three of the longest years of my life.

And Rachel. How beautiful she was; with her blond hair catching the sunlight, hiding her face like a silk veil...A wedding veil. I would gladly ask to marry her. Had she not been ripped out of this world, I would have by now.

It was too real. I could hear her laugh.

But where was I? Shouldn't I be next to her?

She had this cute little mole on her cheek. It was small, it was more like a beautymark than a blemish. I should have known Rachel would be unflawed.

Marco saw it too. "Hey, Rach, that's a cute dimple. Y'know, I kiss girls with dimples."

Her smile didn't fade, but the authenticity of it did. "It's not a dimple, and I don't want your lips anywhere near my face."

"I can start small."

Rachel moved her hands into her lap and smiled at his disappointed expression. "It's not that you're unattractive. You just aren't to me."

"Oh, Rach," Cassie sighed. "Just give the guy a kiss and he'll leave you alone!"

"Yeah, Rach." Marco leaned over the table and closed his eyes, puckering up.

Rachel didn't move.

Marco opened an eye to peek.

"You're subjecting your best friend to peer pressure?" Rachel asked. Then she turned her hard brown eyes to Marco. "And you..."

I honestly think she scared him. He jerked backward, sitting back in his seat.

"...Are you really so full of yourself that you expect to get what you demand?"

"Rach, I just want some love. Who better than my favorite gal?"

I wanted to deck him. She was my girlfriend. And if Rachel felt like he was harrassing her, I had to fight him. I wanted to...

"One kiss," she said. "You don't take pictures, you don't make a recording, you don't speak of it to anyone, not even me. No teasing, and no romantic come-ons. We do it now, we don't do it again. Would that shut you up?"

Marco considered. He knew he wanted more from her than that. I knew it.

But he wanted to kiss her so badly that he agreed. "Yeah."

"God, you suck."

"Face, maybe."

They leaned over the table to do the dirty deed -

...And I couldn't stop myself. My voice must have torn through their minds like a conscience.

Marco, no! Rachel, how could you?

They each jumped with guilt as their name was said in my voice. In their heads. Jake and Cassie looked up at them. They had heard it too. I was too frustrated...I could hear wings flapping. I could hear my hawk call.

"Tobias," Rachel whispered, and she stood and ran out of the lunchroom. Down the hall. Outside. "Tobias?" she yelled.

Rachel!

She shielded her eyes from the sun, peering around, looking for an animal. She couldn't see me...

...And I came abruptly awake. In Cassie's barn. Where I'd gone to sleep every night for the past six years. As if my inner animal was still my physical form - because I couldn't go back home. I'd been missing for two and a half years. I was never really gone...I'd just been a bird. But "home" didn't know that. They couldn't.

Still hearing Rachel's voice in my head, I rolled over against the wall and banged my fist against it.

I hated everything. The group, splitting up. Rachel's death. It would haunt me forever, theoretically speaking. Jake stored her ashes in Tom's old room. Their urns were side by side. The room still had all his stuff. The urns had been the last addition. It was now just the three of us - Jake, Cassie and me. Yes, we had won the war. But in the aftermath we were just a piece of the whole. Ax had gone home to fill the void Elfangor had left.

There had been so many deaths. So many hostages. There had been so much destruction left in Visser Three's wake that I just wanted to kill somebody to avenge Rachel. But only the innocent remained, and her death would go unacknowledged. I couldn't kill somebody to make it right and I felt trapped. I felt useless.

In many ways I still was a captive.

It was hard to believe this was victory. 


End file.
